My Heroine's Journey

This series began where the Hero's Journey left me. I felt like I understood what that archetype could provide for me in that season of my life and it rewarded me greatly with inspiration, allowing me to follow a thread that felt divinely guided. Still, something felt missing. I realized it was the feminine experience of transformation that I had not taken account of. I wanted to know what that meant to me personally–how do I experience the Heroine's Journey and how does it differ from what I’ve learned so far? How are they perfectly working together to complement each other? There are some places that sheer will cannot take you–that are only found through surrender and looking deep within oneself. Part of me felt detached from my intuition, and I desperately wanted to develop a stronger relationship to my internal guidance system. The only thing I knew about this journey is that I would have to let go of patterns that I had held for so long that they felt like part of my identity. This painting ‘Give Me the Death I Need’ was the beginning of that path. 

This path can be confusing when the mind wants to take over. “Why do I feel like I can’t connect to my intuition? Is there something wrong with me?” What I’ve learned over the years is that silencing the mind and letting the body feel without judgment is the way back to yourself. The way is cultivating patience and an ear for the language of your body. We live in a world in which mind-body coherence can be a challenge; there is every kind of stimulus to pull you out of your body, out of the present. The real journey is the one back to yourself. There is another trap along this journey, and it is getting stuck searching for something in yourself. There is no need to search for what already lies within. The mind can get stuck in this loop and keep you from the surrender and presence it takes to hear the divine within.

The loop can sound something like: I just need to read more, do more self inquiry and shadow work, and get better at awareness. It creates a sort of hyperaware, problem-solving system that your mind and body are constantly running. I fell into this trap of trying to “find” myself. You’re always “healing/working on yourself” and not being. Be with what is alive in you now, whatever that may be. There lies your direct line to God, your intuition.

I think this trap was a big one for me because of my early programming of feeling like I needed to earn love. I felt I needed to do more/learn more/be more instead of just be. So even in my relationship with myself and the divine within me, I was playing a game of earning. Which is interesting because mentally I would’ve claimed that I loved myself exactly as I was. It wasn't until I encountered a significant season of my life, when I was stripped of the things I love--things that I felt made me who I was--that I found out how deep and strong my relationship with myself truly was. To meet myself with love, compassion, and neutrality in this season was one of the hardest experiences. The loop wanted me to be more and do more, but that was a story that I needed to let go of because it would not help me get to the other side. Both the hero's and the heroine's journeys dance together to create a metamorphosis of wholeness. We all need the strength to surrender and to act when the soul calls. These archetypes hold and assist you in every season. This season challenged me to my core and I had to build love from the very bottom up and it began with being.